The Truth About Idols

Note: I wrote this earlier this summer, but never got around to posting it until now. Hopefully there will be more to come soon as well :)

Whenever I hear the word “idols,” I think about the idols that the Bible describes.  The ones that were gold or wood statues that the people would bow down to and worship.  In my head I get this picture of this flashy, trophy looking thing that people look silly bowing down to.  Since I don’t worship anything like that, I always thought that idols weren’t an issue for me. Boy was I wrong.

God always has a funny way of putting things into your life right when you need them or when they correspond to something else.  As God was beginning to reveal different idols I had in my life, I began a study called No Other Gods: Confronting Our Modern-Day Idols.

I learned that idols aren’t just those statues that were worshiped in the Bible.  They are anything that we put before God. Richard Keyes said “An idol can be a physical object, a property, a person, an activity, a role, an institution, a hope, an image, an idea, a pleasure, a hero—anything that can substitute for God.”

That’s a lot of different things.  There are also things in that list that are good. I always just assumed that idols had to be bad things since they were taking the place of God.  But is a person, a hope, or a pleasure necessarily a bad thing? No. Keyes says, “Idolatry may not involve explicit denials of God’s existence or character. It may well come in the form of an overattachement to something that is, in itself, perfectly good.”

So that awesome hope you have in something for the future, the great new friend you made, the fun sport of volleyball: all of those things are perfectly good.  What turns them into idols is when we get attached to them and let them take the place of God in our lives.

I began to realize that I did that (and still do) with a lot of things in my life. The great new friendship I was building, based around our love of Jesus, was an idol because I easily put it before God.  The sport I had played competitively for 8 years of my life, was an idol because I was playing for reasons other than to glorify God (more on volleyball in another blog). My hopes for the future God has for me were an idol because I was thinking too much about how things could end up instead of going to God and letting Him take control.

I got attached to those things without even realizing that I was letting them be more important than God in my life.  That’s the scary thing. I wasn’t worshipping a statue and saying that God didn’t exist.  I was worshipping God. And I was worshipping God through these things. I just let them be more important than Him. They had a part of the worship of my heart instead of it being fully God’s.

We’re human. We’re always going to be facing idols in our life.  As our lives change, the idols in them will change as well. But we have to be cautious in recognizing them.  It isn’t always the things we think are ‘bad.’  It can be perfectly good and healthy things.  The attachment and devotion we give to them over God is what makes them an idol.  I pray that we start to recognize the idols in our lives that have taken hold of parts of heart and surrender them to Him.  The only way we can get rid of them is by giving them over to Him and letting Him fill our hearts fully instead.

Happy 24th Birthday!

It’s my favorite angel’s 24^th birthday today.  If you haven’t been to the site created by her family in her memory (www.meganboken.com) then go check it out.  It does a much better job than I ever could of explaining how truly awesome she was, although words will never do her justice.

Earlier this week I was on there and saw the clip posted with her interview after she got defensive player of the week.  I clicked on it to listen and immediately paused after she started talking.  It had been so long since I heard her voice.  I clicked play again and she said my name (of course I was the one to tell her that she got the award, that probably doesn't surprise my teammates!). I paused the video again and lost it. Tears were streaming down my face. Yes, I still miss her. And yes, some days are tough. But I’m at peace knowing that she is in a much better place and some day I will join her.

Since it is her birthday, I thought what better than to share some of my favorite memories.  I treasure these so much more now. There are so many I can share, but here are a few that stick out in my mind.

1.     The famous Hawaii airport “who packed the chocolates” incident

This is one of my favorites that gets told over and over again. Basically, when we were leaving Hawaii from our tournament, a lot of people’s bags were over-weight.  We were shuffling around items to get all of our bags under weight. When we all finally got to the terminal, we were hungry, it was 11pm, we had just played a game, and all the food places were closed. So we got the food out of our bags and started throwing stuff around to find the chocolates. They were nowhere to be found. Boken was the last to have them, so all eyes turned on her.  She had put the chocolates in her checked bag and preceded to go off about how she was sorry she checked the chocolates (with a few of her favorite words thrown in there.) If you knew Bokes, you knew it took a lot to upset her and set her off. Luckily, we were all able to immediately laugh about it and we all survived the trip...and enjoyed the chocolates later.

2.     M&F class

Fall of my sophomore year (her senior year) we got lucky enough to plan a class together.  The better thing was that it was a marriage and family class.  This was a perfect class for the two girls that always bonded over being the single ones.  We always had a lot to catch up on in class, drew pictures on each other’s notes, and got yelled at by the teacher to stop talking…A LOT. I’m surprised I ended up with an A in the class because we were definitely not on his good side.

3.     Sunday afternoons

Some of our best quality time was spent on Sunday afternoons.  We nicknamed these “Depressing Sundays” because most people went home. We thought it would have been the perfect days to have boyfriends and hang out with them.  Since we didn’t have boyfriends…we hung out with each other! We would share every detail of our lives (or at least I would), eat whole tubs of Sabra hummus, spend quality time with cheetah blanket, and go for rides in the Jeep.

4.     Locker room Dance

Her famous “Open Swim” dance would come out before every game.  It was the Baywatch theme song, I’m Always Here by Jimi Jamison. At her pool back home, they would play this song when the kids could go back into the pool after a break.  She had a lovely interpretive dance that went with it and became a staple of our pregame routine. The smile and look on her face when she danced to it was priceless, something I always think about when I hear the song.

I love looking back and thinking of all the times we spent together. I’m so thankful for the time I knew her and all the smiles and laughs I got to share with her. She was such a special person and always saw the positive and loved life.  Happy 24^th birthday Bokes, hope you’re having a blast in Heaven J

Friends.

Yesterday, I took a “texting hiatus.” Basically, I didn’t text anyone (except my boss). My phone even decided to help me along because I lost service all afternoon at work. I needed that. The way I stay in contact with people is through texting.  It is my lifeline. It is friend. But I had gotten to the point where I was tired and sick of it and needed a break. It was nice, refreshing, and I threw myself into reading and my work.

Turn to today. God knew I needed the rest yesterday because today was a different story.  My day was filled with conversations about Him.  Days like today blow me away.  I heard about so much hurt and so many struggles.  We all deal with that daily, some are in tougher situations than others.  But I also got to hear stories of how God was working through my friends.  The encouragement I was able to give and the encouragement I was shown was amazing. God is SO GOOD!!! He knows what friends we need in our lives and when we need certain encouragement.

Tonight, I randomly texted a friend from high school that I hadn’t talked to in over a month.  It could not have been better timing.  We caught up a little and the conversation quickly turned to what God was doing in our lives, how we were struggling, and what we were trying to work on. WOW! We were both able to encourage each other from what we were going through.

This semester I was also reminded of how God places friendships into our life when we need them. I was starting my new grad program and didn’t have many friends at home.  The one MBA class I had ended up having a girl in it.  Her name was familiar because I knew she had interned for FCA, where I was now working.  Once we figured out who each other was, God placed such an encouraging friendship into my life.  It was exactly what I needed.  She helped me in so many ways throughout the semester when it came to school, guys, life in general, and now as I am getting ready for FCA camp.  She’s been through camps the past two summers and knows what I’m going through.  Her encouragement and prayer makes me want to encourage those around me more. It’s amazing and she is amazing.  I was able to help her out a bit as she moved to St. Louis recently.  It was almost as though we flipped spots this summer.  I’m so thankful that God knew what He was doing when He placed us in class together semester. It was literally all Him!

God knows exactly what we need. Some days, we need a break and time to focus on Him.  Other days, He knows we have friends that need us more or we are the ones that need encouragement. Finally, He’s got our back.  He places friendships into our lives when we need them the most.  Never doubt that He always has our best interest in mind J

A Happy Medium

I often get stuck in a situation that frustrates me. Sometimes I move on and say “I’m fine.”   That ends up backfiring because eventually, I’ve held in how I really felt for so long that I blow up.  Other times, I blow up right at the beginning, make accusations, and throw out every detail of how I think I’m feeling at the moment.  Either way, I end up blowing up and let my emotions get the best of me.

There is a fine line with being honest and truthful and doing it in a way that shows care and genuine concern.  This is something I struggle with.  In the moment, it’s easy to get caught up and start going on about every little thing I feel about the situation.  Or if I don’t want to deal with it, I just say “I’m fine.” (Hint: Saying I’m fine is usually code for…I’m really not ok, something’s wrong)

Girls have emotions (guys…deal with it).  God made us this way.  Many girls are over-dramatic and let their emotions get out of control.  I’m not perfect and this happens to me.  But God made us this way for a purpose.  As girls, we have to learn to use our emotions in a way that glorifies Him.  This means taking a step back and thinking before we react.  We have to learn to control the beautiful gift of emotions that we’ve been given.

I’ve had several conversations over the past few days revolving around this.  I’m currently in a situation that has been frustrating me more and more lately.  The book Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst came up the other night. I haven’t read it yet, but it is on my list.  I came across this related to the book, Pretending I'm Fine or Proving I'm Right  It is short, so take the time to go and read it (girls AND guys).  But here is what I took most out of it.

Pretending that you’re fine isn’t ok.  That isn’t being truthful and it won’t get you anywhere.  We’ll eventually “erupt” with all of the “it’s fine’s” that we’ve thrown out there.  We have a right to say how we feel and if we’ve been hurt.  But we need to do this in a cautious way.  In the heat of the moment, we may feel a lot of things that aren’t our true, honest emotions.  We want to be right and prove to the person that they’ve hurt us and why.  So we go off on tangents, make assumptions, and end up spewing out things without thinking.  We need to stop, consider their point of view, and think about what the real, true facts in the situation are.

This is tough.  In my situation right now, it’s easier for me to say “I’m fine” and not deal with it.  This is going to come back and bite me though.  So I’m working on it.  Working to find that happy medium of being truthful and honest, with what the actual facts of the situation are. not anything that I let my emotions over-react on.  It isn’t easy, but it isn’t impossible either.  God wouldn’t let us have emotions if He wasn’t also going to help us with them.  So the next time you are frustrated, hurt, or angry, pause for a second.  Don’t put off the situation and don’t blow up.  Be honest, you owe it to yourself.  But do it in a way that is careful and understanding of the other person as well.  You'll be glad you did later.

End of the Semester.

The semester is over. I’m half way done with my Master’s. And I’d like to think I’m a lot wiser after this semester ;)

I go through times in my life where I wonder what exactly God is doing. I pray for clarity on things I’m going through and where I’m headed. This semester was one of those times. I always wondered why God had me come home for grad school.  I didn’t question Him, but it’s almost as if I was waiting to see why. Well, He definitely  showed me that this semester.

It wasn’t until about 3 weeks ago I started to see all of this.  Just proof that He has a plan and I have to keep trusting in it at all times.

Friends. God had a plan to stretch me.  I had to figure out how to deal with practically all of my friendships being long-distance.  This was going from the most social semester I had had last fall. Luckily, my friendships got so much stronger because of this.  It’s amazing what a simple text from someone can do and how it can change your day. Or a quick catch-up Skype to check in on each other.  I lived for those moments this semester and it reminded me again how precious time and friendships are.  Make the time to let those close to you know that you care about them before you don’t have that chance anymore. (I’ll write another blog on new friendships later)

Clarity. This was something I prayed a lot for this semester. There were a few different things, but there was one big thing. I like knowing things and I wanted to follow what God had planned for me. But He had a different plan. After about two months of praying for clarity on a situation, I finally came to a decision myself.  A few days later, God clarified it and showed that I had made the right decision. Funny how that worked out. But He taught me to be patient and not expect Him to give me every answer right as I want it.  That’s not how He works and in His timing He will reveal His plan to us (I think I need this reminder every morning!)

Small group. At the beginning of the semester, I wasn’t sure how things were going to go with my small group of 8^th grade girls. Thankfully, God had a plan to grow me and equip me.  There is no way I could have connected with them like I was able to without His help.  Kids that age were something I never considered to be a strength of mine.  But He was able to provide me with the right things to say and encouragement for them. I enjoyed it so much and am thankful for the blessing they have been in my life as well.

These are just a few things. Now that I have more time, I’ll try to blog more. There are so many more awesome things God did in my life. I’m realizing why I came home this semester.  As much as I wanted to stay in St. Louis, I wouldn’t have had all of these amazing opportunities to grow.  I wouldn’t have been able to speak at all the schools I did for FCA, meet with my small group girls each week, or learn to grow my friendships through texts of encouragement. He has truly changed my heart this semester. I don’t know what the future holds yet, and thankfully, I don’t have to worry. I know when the time is right He will reveal it to me. Until then, I am taking each day for the opportunities that it gives and looking forward to continuing to see how He works!!

Contentment and Patience.

This is a short snippit of something I’m dealing with.  It’s tough for me to write because I like to think I’m strong and independent and can take care of myself.  I like being a rock for my friends by pouring out to them and don’t want to look like I am struggling. But the truth is, we’re all struggling.  We’re human. We sin. We need God. Because without Him, we are nothing.




Contentment is the feeling or showing satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation.

Patience is being steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.

Everything had been going good. I was too busy to realize otherwise between class, work, working out, and the amount of homework I had. Then one weekend things slowed down and I sat down to re-read a previous study I had done.  It talked about being a Lady of Contentment. The book was mostly relating it to guys/relationships [which is an area the devil has really been testing and tempting me lately, and I have been learning SO MUCH…but that could be a whole other blog by itself.] Anyways, as I was reading I started to realize that I wasn’t content with where God had me.

I wasn’t in control of my life and I didn’t even know what I wanted anymore. And that scared me.  If you know me at all, you know that I like to know everything. I’m on top of things and figure out what I don’t know.  So it absolutely scares me that I don’t know what I want to do with my life.

I feel homesick, but I’m living at home. So where am I homesick for? I like accounting, but some of the stuff I study I just don’t care about. Is this even what I want to do anymore?  Some of my friends are talking about engagement, and I don’t even have a boyfriend. Will I ever have a family? [ok, so that’s me being dramatic and selfish, but that’s what goes through my head sometimes]

Instead of giving it all to God, I start to freak out and then it all goes spinning downward.  And then I get frustrated because I don’t have the answers.  Only God has the answers. This is where the patience comes in, through difficulty and adversity.  God isn’t going to tell me what I’ll be doing when I graduate in December or where I’ll be going.  He isn’t going to tell me if I’ll have a family or who ‘Mr. Right’ is. Not yet at least.  He doesn’t work that way.

So I have to be patient until, when the time is right, He reveals to me what He is doing.  I have to trust that he has a reason for where I am right now.  I have to be content with what He has planned. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."  So now I am trying to embrace what He has put into my life and the position I’m in.  This is a season I will never experience again, so it’s time for me to see it as that and use it for His good.  There are so many blessings and opportunities each day that I miss if I don’t fully rely and look to Him each day.

As I’ve been struggling with this the past few weeks [yes, this has been ongoing with good and bad days for me] a few helpful things have popped up from friends. The first is the song Trust You by Brandon Heath.  Here’s a link to a video with the lyrics. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBx7YR4d2nA  It’s an awesome song and perfectly describes my life. Finally, I’m going to end with my new favorite verses that I turn to multiple times throughout the day now. They’re popular verses but The Message version really hits home with me.

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God!” Proverbs 3:5-7 (The Message)

Realize that God has a reason for where you are right now.  We have to be content with that.  Embrace it and enjoy it, because you won’t be in this exact same situation again.  Be patient and know that He’ll reveal His plan to you when He’s ready [even if it is down to wire].  Have a blessed day :)

My Favorite Angel

Note: I wrote this blog right before I found out another young person I knew from a few years back passed away. It’s just another reminder of how short life is.  Live it to the fullest.  Love God, do what you love, and love those around you. You may not get another tomorrow, so make the most of today.

My breath still gets taken away. Tears still come to my eyes. The memories are still there.

It’s been 6 months since the horrible day I wish never happened.  Everyday I still think about her.  I still long to talk to her, hear her laugh, or get her advice.  I miss our crazy stories and boy updates, watching the Bachelor, and the texts we sent each other on lonely Sunday afternoons.

But it’s been 6 months.  I don't really talk about it anymore.  In the beginning, I was very open and talked about everything.  If I needed to talk, I could go to a number of friends and cry on their shoulder.  If someone asked how I was doing, I openly shared how I was really doing.  There were lots of tears and lots of sharing.

My feelings haven’t changed.  As time goes on, it doesn’t get any easier.  You just learn to accept the reality over and over again each day.  Some days are harder than others as something comes up I just really wish I could tell her or a new season of the Bachelor is on. (Her dream was to be on that show and become a reality star. We even went through the application until we got to the part where you had to film a short video.)  The only difference is I don’t talk about it anymore.  I still find tears streaming from my eyes as I shower some days and rolling down my face as I drive alone.  When my really good friends ask me how I am, I just say I had an emotional day and talk about everything else that happened.

Someone told me right after this had happened that it would be hard months in the future, when some people had moved on, but you hadn’t.  I understand what they meant now.  It’s like there is some unwritten code that 3 months after something like this has happened, you’re supposed to “be ok.”  But I’ve learned that it’s ok to miss that person and break down for a good cry sometimes.  You don't always have to be ok.  We shouldn’t have to hide it because we’re afraid that we’re supposed to be ‘over it’ by now.  Whenever I have a good boy story, I’m always going to miss Boken because she is the one I went to with those.  I smile now knowing she already knows everything I wanted to tell her.  Every story, every text, every lucky penny…she knows and is watching over me.  I’m thankful that I have God to trust in and that He gives me peace about this.  He gives me new hope each day and comfort knowing that Boken is with Him and some day I will be able to join them in Heaven. But for this little while here on earth, I know I have my favorite angel watching over me. “The world’s not the same without her, but it’s better because she was here.”

Life Update: Part #1

As I thought about writing this blog, I was conflicted.  I’ve wanted to do an update blog on how my life has been going and all the awesome things God has done so far.  But before I got that blog wrote, yesterday came along.  Yesterday brought struggles, questions, tears, and what ifs…out of the blue.  But God’s been doing some awesome things, so here’s the first part.

I didn’t know what God had planned for me this semester at home, but I knew if I trusted in Him, it would be something great.  Since FCA was a big part of my time at SLU, I knew I wanted to somehow get involved in the FCA back at home.  I went in to meet with my area representative to see how I could get involved volunteering, one thing led to another, and I ended up accepting a part-time job.  It will last the 10 months I’m at home and is a perfect mix between budgeting and planning (my school background) and camps and huddle groups (where my heart is).  Honestly, I couldn’t have wrote a job description for a more perfect job.  God was 100% in control of this and just so many little things about it prove that it was totally Him. I could go on and on about how perfectly this worked out, but that would take a whole blog.

I also got involved helping out with the Jr. High youth group at my church.  Jr. High is such an interesting age, but I love my small group of 8^th grade girls.  There have already been instances where I can see why God placed certain things into my life, especially last semester.  I grew so much from them and can now relate to those going through similar issues.

School is ridiculously hard.  I don’t think I quite knew what I was signing up for.  The amount of readings, research articles, and papers I have is crazy.  I think I’ve learned more in my first month of grad school than maybe my whole undergrad combined (kidding…kind of).  If grad school was more than a year for me, I don’t think I would last.  So my off days are filled with homework, along with my weekends.  It’s making up for all the time I didn’t spend on homework during my undergrad. But, so far all of my classes are going well.  I like most of my teachers, I like most of my class topics, and I’ve finally made friends in my classes.

I’ve been able to visit SLU twice already and see everyone.  This has helped so much.  It is weird every time I go back there (especially when I see someone else living in my old room), but I know I had to move on with my life.  I’ve been able to escape the drama of volleyball (for the most part) and it’s been good for my health, mental and physical.  I’ve almost gotten into normal workout routine and even found a Pilates class I like.  Being on my own and not around many friends, I’ve become independent in a different way.  It’s given me a lot of time to focus on my relationship with God.  I’ve been starting out my mornings with coffee or tea (so grown up!) and reading His Word.  It’s amazing how much I have started to crave the Word and learning more about how to live my life.

God has been working in my life is so many ways.  I’m finally into my weekly routine and have a handle on all of my classes.  My days consist of school, homework, work, and working out, but it keeps me busy and focused.  There are so many little things each day that I could go on about that remind me He does have a plan for me being here, in this situation.  So for the time being, I’m working on putting all of my trust in Him and finding peace in the situations I’m in.

The New Kid

Life got busy with grad school. I promise I have some blogs written and will post them soon. For now, here's one from my first week of school in January.

Being the new kid never gets easier...for me at least.

This week I started grad school.  A new program. A new school. In the middle of a school year.  In fact, I had never even walked across the quad at ISU and I'd only been in the b-school college of business once. I only know a handful of people that even go to ISU, let alone any that were going to be in my classes.

So I was sent back to my shy, quiet days.  It was literally like my first day of high school at U-high all over again.  This wasn't your typical first day of a semester, where you know what building you're walking to, you're familiar with the classrooms, you have seen at least a few people in your class, and if you're lucky, there's people you know in your class. This was different.

I had to find a parking lot I'd never been to and make a walk I'd never made.  I found my classroom and awkwardly walked in and sat in a spot that was safe away from anyone else.  Everyone else had their friends they already knew and sat by them.  This brought out the shy girl in me as I sat there and didn't say a word.  I didn't really plan on talking to anyone.

Luckily, a nice girl sat next to me in my first class and started small talk. This is when I realized that I was going to have to start the process of making new friends all over again.  Even if it was just friends that I talked to in class, I knew absolutely no one.  And if I wanted to go through the semester and not be mute and not say a word to anyone, then I had to make new friends.

This was a hard realization.  I was happy and content with my friends at SLU and the few I had at home.  I didn't really need new friends, but the semester was going to be miserable if I didn't.  Luckily, someone went out of their way, sat next to me, and started that process that I was too scared to start myself.  I'm thankful for that, because if not, I would have sat there alone in silence for a while.

So if you're ever in a situation where there's someone new, don't be afraid to reach out.  Introduce yourself. Say hi. Start small talk. Just that one small gesture that may seem mindless to you can mean more to them than you know.

Update: School was a lot easier after the first week (more to come on that) and thankfully I've made some friends along the way :)